Love and Justice Win!

Well it's the day after and we wanted to share a few thoughts...

There is music in the air and the song is called Love and Justice Win! How does one breathe in the magnitude of the tectonic shift of March 9th when marriage equality was realized in a concrete and recognizable way? We are not sure but are abiding in the afterglow of our day and a historic moment we shall never forget.

We are not sure how we worked this past week. We both worked, but we were swimming upstream against the mounting momentum of getting married. We applied for the marriage certification on Tuesday, March 2nd. After the press conference outside of the Court House, we each went back to work as though it were just any ordinary day. Yet in both our work places there were constant reminders that things were about to change for the good, not only for us but also for the many. As I (Candy) walked the hallways of my Federal agency, voices from multiple directions caught me off guard with their expressions of “congratulations Mrs. Holmes, we saw you and your partner on CNN, etc.” Some didn’t know how to reference us but they felt compelled to say something to let us know we had their support. How wonderful!

As the week progressed we rested some, yet even in sleep we were still awake on so many levels. How can you really sleep when every nerve in your body and every feeling in your essence are wired to the aliveness of this kind of moment in time? Though we slept, our spirits stayed awake for certain! Awake and watching history unfold as justice wrapped its arms around us and the entire community of “us” that had previously been barred from passing through the legal gate of marriage.

Throughout the week, requests for interview after interview poured in, each one allowing yet another opportunity for us to speak our truth in love. Of course there were lots of questions regarding being African American lesbians who were not only religious but also clergy; the fullness of who we are rocked some of their worlds. We fielded questions about support from our families, our workplaces, our church, etc., and what it meant to have all these places merge. To all of it we could say with a resounding affirmation that we have received an outpouring of support and love for which we are so grateful and that it was a wonderful experience to be whole in every aspect of our lives.

Rehearsal Day was March 6th. We kept wondering how in the world it would be possible for there to be three weddings in one hour. But you know what? We were too deliriously happy and had better things to worry about, like our shoes. Hello! The HRC (Human Rights Campaign) worked from start to finish like magical servant leaders to ensure that this experience was about and stayed focused on the three couples. From being present with us at the courthouse to transforming their Equality Center into a sanctuary, they were simply amazing! Our hats are off to HRC.

Right after the rehearsal, we were interviewed by a Washington Post columnist who has been following us since Candy’s congressional testimony around same-sex partner benefits in June 2009. We had seen him again in July when Candy went to the White House to with President Obama as he signed a Presidential Memorandum to extend some benefits to the domestic partners of Federal employees. The interviewer was gracious and respectful as he asked me about the impact of marriage equality on us as a family with a Federal worker and on all those who work in the Federal Government. We so appreciated the opportunity to connect the dots regarding same-sex marriage in DC, with other issues where the struggle is not over -- DOMA, DBPO, ENDA, and DADT. His article appeared on the day of our ceremony on the Federal page.

Well, the big day finally arrived and we felt like we woke up into Christmas, to borrow a phrase from one of the other couples! Hallelujah!!! (That’s Candy’s Pentecostal side – LOL). The day started early and love showed up. Knocking at the door of our hotel suite was a gift called Monet. She is by far one of the best make up stylists in the DC area. And she worked wonders on our “not enough sleep” faces! (smile) Then love knocked at the door again in the person of our BFF -- Donna Payne, who is always there for us, walking in with our breakfast and most importantly our JAVA! Then love knocked again and it was another friend with a camera in hand ready to take photos personally for as long as we needed. Thanks so much, Kareem!

Around 8:00, we were whisked off in cars sent for us and taken to a hidden entrance into the HRC building, so as to avoid the press. What we found when we walked in was like a fantasy come true -- our friends and family waiting for us. Friends, police officers, escorts, caterers, camera folks – everyone smiling and eyes so full of that something that said – “we are with you.” What a feeling!

For almost two hours, the three couples and our attendants waited inside the green room for 10:00 to arrive. Though HRC had generously provided us with coffee, juice, water, and pastries, I think we were all too anxious to eat or drink much at all. Finally, the magic hour arrived and the first couple left to claim the sanctuary as their own. The rest of us stayed in the green room, watching each other’s ceremony on a short-circuit TV. And then our time came.

Rev. Dwayne Johnson (Pastor of MCC DC), Candy’s brother, and Donna processed in before us as the voice of Rev. David North singing one of our favorite songs -- I Love You Just the Way You Are – filled the sanctuary. Stepping arm-in-arm into the center aisle, we carried one another to where yesterday, today, and tomorrow would meet and our lives would be forever changed. As our ceremony moved too swiftly toward ending, we remember feeling a wave that lifted us. For a moment, we thought that wave was the anticipatory hope and dreams of not only me and Darlene, but of the countless people who desire equality. And then the words were spoken that now and forever will be remembered as the shot that was heard around the world – “By the authority vested in me by the District of Columbia, I now proclaim you legally married! Now no longer separate, but one.”

I think we all won on March 9th. Better yet – Love and justice won!

PS. Thanks to the management of Annie’s Paramount Steakhouse who, upon hearing that we were in the restaurant for lunch, honored us with a bottle of champagne. And thanks to the father of young lesbian who, sitting alone in the corner eating, gifted us with a round of whatever we wanted. You have just got to love our community.

Related articles:
Washington Post

The Root

The Associated Press

Associated Press (w/ photo gallery):
Associated Press - "In DC, blacks were crucial to gay marriage debate":
New York Times:

Washington Post:
Washington Post:

Washington Post Editorial:
WTOP:

All Headline News:

Washington Examiner:

UPI:
Washington Times:
Black America:

Yahoo.com:


International Press Coverage:

Canadian Broadcasting Corp (CBC):

British Broadcasting Corp (BBC):

Agency French Presse (AFP):
E News Canada:

CNN International:


Local TV Coverage:


FOX:

NBC 4:

ABC WJLA 7:

CBS WUSA 9:


Online Coverage:

DCist.com:

Windy City Times:
DC Agenda:

Advocate.com:

Advocate.com:

AfterElton.com:

Metro Weekly:
Metrok Weekly:

Towleroad.com:

Washington City Paper:

Lez Get Real:

Washington Post.com:

NBC News DC:

Today IS The Day

There will be quite a bit of national and international media coverage today ) for Candy and Darlene’s wedding! You can actually view all three of the ceremonies that will be conducted in the HRC Equality Center today, beginning at 10 a.m. Eastern Time. We are told that CNN, ABC, CBS, and NBC will all broadcast the three ceremonies live. In addition, go to www.hrc.org for live streaming beginning at 9:45 a.m. Eastern Time. Rev. Dwayne Johnson (Pastor of MCC DC) will officiate at Darlene & Candy’s ceremony, which will be the third and final one to be performed.

See video from last week.

See video of the ceremonies
Ceremonies (Video collage) - March 9th


Courthouse - March 2nd

IT IS ALL ABOUT LOVE

We are Candy Holmes and Darlene Garner. On March 3, 2010, we were one of the first couples to submit our marriage license application in response to the new marriage equality law in Washington, DC. We are sure we slept the night before, but it was a restless sleep, interrupted by the fearful thought that we would sleep through the next day! But by 6 a.m., we were awake and walking through a chilling wind and rain into the Moultrie Courthouse for one of the most important moments of our lives with an application in hand and determined to exercise our right to love and to marry.
As we waited for the office doors to open, we felt the energy of anticipation rising as more and more couples arrived. We were the sixth couple in line and only feet away from the moments we have only dreamt about. While waiting in line, we saw the most amazing thing – the diversity of our glbtq community. There were African American, white, and Asian women and men from under 30 to over 60 years old, clergy persons, Federal government workers, couples with children, couples wanting children. We are sure there was probably even more diversity than this in the fullness of the line. And so it should be, for love is not bound by race, class, or gender. Hallelujah!

The doors opened at 8:30 a.m. and our hearts leapt. We could not stop smiling though nothing had actually happened yet. But the jubilation was too much to contain. Who would have thought that two African American, Lesbian, clergy and great grandmothers would be poised to declare and honor their love in this way? We were ready and the time was now. We stepped into history after a long journey speckled with dashed hopes and disappointments because of who we love. But no more. Though the sky was as gray as our hair, rain could not spoil our parade this day. No one could take or steal away our joy. Thank God for this moment and for such a time when the essence and importance of our love can be counted.

After we completed the painless application process, the African American applications process clerk congratulated us with the widest smile this side of the sun. Hand in hand and jaws wonderfully tired from smiling, we left through the same hallway we had entered to the applause, singing, and cheers of other waiting couples. It felt like the cheers at the Super Bowl for the underdog that won. We encouraged others as we moved toward our next destination – the press. The amazing HRC field staff gathered us with the first five couples and ushered us out of the courthouse. It was a rainy morning, but joy that comes from being free stopped the rain. We stood in front of the cameras, the reporters, the protestors, and most importantly God, and shared our collective stories of our lives and why marriage was important to us.

Many questions were about our being part of the African American community. We spoke from our hearts about why the right to marry is important to us as African Americans and to all African Americans for that matter. We are not unfamiliar with the struggles for freedom, what it feels to be treated as a second-class citizen, and the pain of promises of equality going unfulfilled. We know of the barriers and beliefs that historically and even now impact our families. Like our foreparents who fought for the freedom to be who they were and to be treated as full citizens, as contemporary African American lesbians we join our voices with the chorus of those who lived and died for this day. The page of history has turned. Today we began a new chapter in our lives that allows us to enjoy the joys of love and caring and to embrace without fear the responsibility for protecting our family.
Join us and our families as we rejoice in this historic day and all that it means for us as part of the African American community and the gbltq community as a whole. In words borrowed from President Obama’s Inaugural Address, “The time has come… to carry forward that precious gift; -- that noble idea; --passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.”





Metropolitan Community Church, founded in 1968, is a human-rights movement and ministry operating as a Christian denomination in 25 countries around the world. MCC has often been and continues to be one of few leading advocates for vulnerable people in places where religious orthodoxy, sexism, and homophobia can result in violence and death. MCC's promise is stated in its tagline "Tearing Down Walls. Building Up Hope." For more information about MCC visit: http://www.mccchurch.org.

Why two black D.C. pastors support gay marriage

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon a couple of years ago, we entered the sanctuary at Covenant Baptist Church and took our places in front of the altar, just as we had countless times before in our more than 20 years as partners in ministry. We had been united in holy matrimony ourselves in the same spot where we now stood to unite others.

As the couple walked down the aisle, we recalled the previous evening's rehearsal, when we commended all the participants for their courage and prayed that God would be in our midst at the ceremony. When we pronounced the couple "partners for life," we felt our prayers had been answered. It was the same feeling we had experienced so many times before when asking for God's blessing of the union of a man and a woman. Only this time, the union was of a man and a man.

Our church is the first and only traditional black church in the District of Columbia to perform same-sex unions. We conducted our first two union ceremonies, one gay and one lesbian, in the summer of 2007. The rapid political developments that followed in our nation and our city have made us optimistic that by the summer of 2010, same-sex nuptials will be not only blessed by churches such as ours, but also sanctioned by law in the District.

On Tuesday, the D.C. Council voted to legalize same-sex marriage. This historic measure passed 11 to 2, with the two no votes cast by council members Yvette Alexander of Ward 7 and Marion Barry of Ward 8 -- the ward where our church sits. Both wards are east of the Anacostia River and have the highest percentages of black residents in the city. Both members said that the majority of their constituents, who live in the same communities where many of our parishioners live, do not support gay marriage.

We have seen the resistance that Alexander and Barry were talking about. We know it has deep cultural and historical roots. But we have also seen that this resistance is not stuck in concrete.

After that first ceremony in our church, we were pleased and relieved; many members and guests told us how beautiful the service had been. But not everyone who attended shared this feeling. After most of the guests left, one longtime parishioner approached us, shaking. In a voice filled with rage, she asked how we could desecrate the sanctuary with such an ungodly act. She vowed to no longer be a member of our church.

After leaving our congregation, she contacted denominational leaders and local newspapers, including The Washington Post, to complain about our "immoral" behavior. She also took us to court in an unsuccessful attempt to recoup two years of tithes because, in her opinion, we had misled her in presenting ourselves as a "real" Baptist church.

For us, the courage to perform same-sex unions is in keeping with the proudest traditions of our Baptist and congregational heritage. Within the Baptist tradition of freedom and autonomy, Covenant Baptist Church has a long history of progressive ministry emphasizing social justice, service to the community and inclusion.

Several years ago, our congregation unanimously adopted a vision statement that we recite together every Sunday morning as a reminder that "all are welcome, regardless of race, ethnicity, class, gender, age or sexual orientation." In leading our congregation to adopt this vision, we knew that one day we would face the question of same-sex marriage. We did not know how we would respond when the moment came. We didn't arrive at the altar for that first same-sex union ceremony in 2007 because the couple asked us to perform their wedding. Instead, an openly gay man, enrolled at a local seminary, had sought our church's endorsement in his quest to become ordained. We treated him just as we would any aspiring minister who needed our guidance and support: We asked him about his personal life. He revealed that he was living with his partner, also a church member, but that they had not made a lifetime commitment to each other. We could not ask the church to license him if he was living with someone -- male or female -- in an uncommitted relationship. After about a year of counseling, he and his partner were clear that they wanted to be together for life. The ball was then back in our court.

This couple did not press us to perform a union ceremony, nor did we encourage them to have one. If they had been heterosexual, their decision to make a permanent commitment to each other would have probably resulted in marriage. Since this couple were homosexual, however, what were their options? Not only was same-sex marriage illegal in the District, it was also forbidden in most churches and faith communities.

Through Bible study, reflection on theology and history, and experience, we had come to believe that it was unjust to deny same-sex couples the opportunity to consecrate their relationships in the same way that we allow opposite-sex couples to. Before the ceremony in the church, each of us had performed a same-sex union ceremony elsewhere. But this was our home. The church had voted to become an inclusive congregation. How could we justify treating same-sex couples as second-class citizens?

We knew what was in our hearts. But if the ceremony was to be held at Covenant, we had to present this matter to the congregation. We believed that a traditional up-and-down vote could be too divisive. We chose instead to seek some form of consensus.

About three months before that first union ceremony, we held a church meeting to present the two requests and to explain that we intended to honor them. We asked for the congregation's support and received an overwhelmingly positive response. However, as we drew closer to the first ceremony, the goodwill we thought we had witnessed on that evening slowly evaporated. The anger and dissension that had been bubbling erupted when that longtime church member confronted us at the end of the ceremony. She, and the scores of other members who left the congregation after the same-sex ceremonies began, painfully reminded us that although everyone in the black community does not think alike, the roots of homophobia run deep.

We are sometimes asked what accounts for the homophobia within the African American community. This question seems to assume that the community is disproportionately homophobic compared with other racial and ethnic groups. We are not aware of any credible study that has conclusively proved this assumption. However, our first-hand experience has convinced us that homophobia within the black church and the wider community is real. And the factors that have nurtured these beliefs over the years are complex.

When issues of gay rights and gay marriage come up, the first question many black people ask is, "What does the Bible have to say about it?" This seemingly innocent question doesn't acknowledge that when we approach the Bible, our perspective has been shaped by where we were born, by whom we were raised, what Grandma taught us, where we went to school and what our pastor preached in church -- usually conservative ideas on matters such as homosexuality. Therefore, we tend to interpret the Bible not objectively, but through the lens of our cultural and historical context.
The conservative strand of black religion is evident in what Harvard professor Peter Gomes calls "bibliolatry" -- the practice of worshiping the Bible rather than worshiping God. It is also found in a "literal" interpretation of the Bible that focuses more on the letter of the text than on its spirit, and concentrates on passages about domination, oppression, hierarchy, elitism and exclusion rather than on the major themes of love, justice, freedom, equality and inclusion that run throughout the Bible.

A more complicated element of black homophobia is the lingering influence of sexual stereotypes that originated during slavery. According to theologian Kelly Brown Douglas, the myth of "over-sexualized" black bodies portrayed black men as violent "bucks" who posed an ever-present threat to white women, and black women as "Jezebels" who seduced white men.

These stereotypes served to justify the whipping, lynching and castration of black men, and to excuse the sexual violation of black women by white men. They were just one element of what blacks had to struggle against to gain acceptance and respectability in white society, especially during the late 19th century and the first half of the 20th. On this matter, religion has often been a vehicle of suppression, accommodation and control. While the church was a refuge from the horrors of racism and played an empowering role in African American history, it also taught black people to repress behaviors -- especially sexual behaviors -- that might attract unwanted attention, appear uncouth or seem threatening to white people.

A final piece that shapes black attitudes toward same-sex marriage is the preoccupation with racism in the black community. This obsession, although justifiable, has led to a failure to appreciate how racism is inextricably connected to all other forms of oppression. Those who fail to see this connection may resent the comparison of gay rights with civil rights. But as Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

Last week, two black D.C. Council members voted against the same-sex marriage bill. But five black council members voted for it. Our black mayor signed it on Friday, and our black congressional representative has promised to defend it on Capitol Hill. Although the bill faces the possibility of intervention by Congress, something revolutionary is happening in this city to debunk the notion that the black community's homophobia is entrenched.

Many new members are joining the church, excited by our vision. The couple for whom we performed the first union ceremony at our church are still together and doing well. And the man who aspired to the ministry was ordained a few weeks ago and is now a chaplain supervisor at a local hospital. Some who disagree with us have condemned us to hell. But we believe that God has granted us the courage of our convictions.

We will continue to stand at the altar in our community, telling all the couples who come before us: "Let it be known that you are joined together not only by your love for each other, and by our collective love for each of you, but by the love of God."

The Rev. Dennis W. Wiley and the Rev. Christine Y. Wiley are pastors of Covenant Baptist Church in Washington. They are co-chairs of the organization DC Clergy United for Marriage Equality.
http://www.cbcwdc.org/